Nov. 13th, 2008 @ 07:44 pm A Gypsy Lost in the Twilight Zone (PG) - Whitelighterverse
location: home
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: "Travelin' Thru" Dolly Parton

Title: A Gypsy Lost in the Twilight Zone
Author: [info]tommygirl
Rating: PG
Fandom: Supernatual/Charmed
Written For: Prompt # 1 - Beginnings for au_developments
Summary: Dean's not sure this gig is for him.
A/N: This is more in my Whitelighterverse, where Dean becomes a Whitelighter. I'd highly suggest having read A Different Path, the first story in the AU World. Much love to [info]larah33 for the beta.



A Gypsy Lost in the Twilight Zone


“This isn’t possible,” Dean said. It was the only thing he could manage to articulate without fear of rage or utter despair taking over. He stared at the newspaper in his hands, twisting it into an unreadable mess, and repeated, “This isn’t possible.”

“Time passes differently for you. You’re immortal now, Dean. Time doesn’t really apply to you,” Leo said. He peered up from his book and met Dean’s gaze with a sympathetic smile. “It does get easier.”

“You and Paige and the friggin’ Elders keep saying that, but I don’t buy it,” Dean sat down in one of the chairs in front of Leo’s desk and stared at the ruins carved into the ceiling above him. He took a deep breath, hollering at himself to get it together, and said, “So, in the brief minutes between my death and showing up with Paige, six months has passed on Earth? And that’s not supposed to bother me?”

“I didn’t say it couldn’t bother you. No one doubts how hard this is for you, Dean, but the Elders chose you for a reason,” Leo paused and put his book down. He smiled serenely – something that made Dean waver between wanting to puke and jealous of Leo’s faith – and said, “You spent most of your life fighting evil. Whether you’ll admit it or not, you care about people. And after seeing you interact with my boys, I get why you were the one the Elders picked.”

“Your boys are cool kids, Leo, but I’m hardly anyone’s role model, let alone guardian angel,” Dean replied.

“I think you’re wrong about that, and so does Piper.”

“Whatever. It’s not even about that. I’m not sure I have anything left to give.”

“I don’t believe that and I don’t think you do either.”

“Most of the time, I could convince myself that I was saving people and that made up for all the crap. But I don’t know anymore. Haven’t I sacrificed enough?”

“From what you’ve told me, you’ve done more than your share,” Leo said. He stared at Dean and Dean felt completely naked under his gaze, like his every thought was so damn obvious.

Dean crossed his arms protectively across his chest and said, “You’re admitting this sucks. It’s not fair.”

Leo nodded and said, “Dean, you, of all people, know how slippery the balance is between good and evil. Just because you’re fighting on the good side, doesn’t mean it’s always fair. Destiny works in its own way and we don’t always understand it.”

Dean scowled. “You talk like a fortune cookie.”

Leo chuckled, which annoyed Dean more. Dean wasn’t sure what to make of this whole Whitelighter life he had found himself thrown into. Dean had spent his life fighting because he was good at it, but mostly because it was all he knew, and even that wasn’t enough to save his family. Sam was being singled-out by a demon and his father had probably become even more insane about killing it. And where was Dean for all of this? He was splitting his time between hanging out with little kids and enduring classes on things he already knew.

He almost wanted to laugh, but was scared to death that it would only lead to tears. And he wasn’t a wussy bitch, despite the Elders best attempts at turning him into one.

“It does work itself out in the end, probably in ways you can’t even imagine right now. Being a Whitelighter is not a punishment and I think once you’ve had time to grieve your losses, you’ll be able to see that.”

“I just want to know that my brother and father are okay. The two of them...I worry.”

Leo shook his head. “Seeing them wouldn’t make this easier for you.”

“It’s not about me. It’s about them. They’re going to get themselves killed.”

“And you think you can stop it if you see them again?”

Dean shrugged. He couldn’t envision a scenario with his father – It’s really me, dad. I’m a guardian angel for witches. – where it didn’t end badly. He also knew better than to think he could make any real difference in stopping Sam and his father’s need for vengeance. When it came to old yellow eyes, rational thought and calculated planning flew out the window with those two, and if he hadn’t been able to make a difference when he was around, he doubted he could change things now.

Leo nodded. Dean hated how he seemed to be able to read his every thought. It was downright creepy. Leo said, “You have your answer.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it. And it doesn’t change the fact that I think I’m terrible for this job.”

“So trust me. Neither Piper nor I would let you anywhere near our boys if we didn’t think you could protect them,” Leo replied. He stood up and maneuvered around the office until he was closer to Dean. He placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder and said, “It does get easier with time. I know that doesn’t mean much right now, but it will at some point.”

“Your positive thinking really freaks me out, dude.”

“Sorry, it goes with the territory. Years of being a Whitelighter and then an Elder.”

“And even you, Mr. Zen, walked away from it.”

“My destiny lied elsewhere. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love my job while I had it and that it wasn’t hard to give it up, even for Piper and the boys.”

“And you never worried about the people you left behind?”

“We’ve been down this road, Dean. Yes, there are ways to connect to those you left behind, but it’s not a good idea. It can be harder on them than you realize.”

“You suck, and this whole thing blows,” Dean replied.

“Try to think about it differently. You’re beginning a new adventure, one where you can save lives and make a difference. Isn’t that all you ever really wanted? To keep people from the losses you’ve experienced? To defeat the demons that might go after your family?”

Again, Dean wondered if he was wearing his freaking heart on his sleeve. That would possibly be worse than his new gig. He tried to joke it off. “Are you sure you’re not psychic?”

Leo couldn't even give him that. Leo looked directly into his eyes and said, “You’re easy to read.”

Dean glared. “You're really starting to annoy me, Leo.”

“Why don’t you practice your orbing and get us home,” Leo offered, changing the subject.

“You sure?” Dean asked.

“The worst that could happen is we end up in the wrong place,” Leo replied.

Dean knew that the other man was trying to reassure him, but his hesitation had nothing to do with orbing. Over the past few days, something in Dean had clicked and he was able to orb without much fuss. He found that the less he thought about it, the easier it came. The problem was the idea of the Manor as his home. The last thing he needed to do was to get attached to more people who would end up leaving him behind.

“I promised Piper that she and I could go out alone tonight, and I’m pretty sure you told the boys you’d watch cartoons with them this evening.”

“So I’m the bonafide babysitter.”

“Exactly.”

“Still not sure this is a good idea.”

“Dean…”

It wasn’t worth arguing about. At least, not right then. There would be plenty of time for Dean to deal with the second-family-induced panicky feeling in his gut. Dean met Leo’s gaze, nodded, and placed his hand on Leo’s shoulder, thinking about the Manor. Within seconds, they appeared in the kitchen.

“Daddy, daddy,” Wyatt ran at Leo and Leo scooped him up and hugged him. When Leo put him down, Wyatt grabbed onto Dean’s hand and said, “We get to have pizza while we watch our shows.”

“Awesome kiddo,” Dean said.

“Dean! Dean,” Chris called out from his booster seat, waving his crayon in Dean’s direction. “Sponge Bob.” Chris smiled and turned his attention back to his drawing.

Dean couldn’t help but laugh and said, “He’s a man of few words. I like it.”

Piper rolled her eyes as she crossed the room toward them. She kissed Leo before turning her attention on Dean. She smiled at him, patted Wyatt on the head, and said, “I really appreciate you babysitting for us.”

“Mommy, Dean’s our friend, not our babysitter,” Wyatt said.

Dean ruffled his hair and said, “What the kid said. I don’t babysit.”

“Well, I appreciate you hanging out with the boys. I doubt you’ll have any problems, but in case you do, Phoebe and Paige are easy enough to reach,” Piper said. She motioned upward to Leo and said, “Go change. We leave in a ten minutes.”

“Yes, dear.”

She turned her attention to Wyatt and said, “Go clean up your mess, little man, or there’ll be no television tonight.” She placed her hands on Wyatt’s shoulders and guided him back over to the table before he could complain.

Leo leaned over and said, “You see. The job’s not all bad.”

Dean nodded and said, “I guess.”

“You’re not alone in this, Dean. I know it’s not the same thing, but you’re a part of our family now, and we’re on your side.”

He raised his hand and said, “Please stop with the touching moment before I have to throw up.”

“Very well. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready for my date,” Leo replied.

“You’re married, dude. I don’t think it qualifies as a date.”

Leo chuckled and said, “If you learn nothing else from me, pay attention to this - that is never the right answer.” He patted Dean on the shoulder and hurried out of the kitchen.

Dean watched the boys cleaning up and giggling with their mother and he suddenly knew why he would do this job. He didn’t give a crap about destiny or cosmic rewards; he just didn’t want another kid to go through what he had, not if it could be helped. He was tired and angry and confused as hell, but he’d fight. Maybe it wasn’t too late to make a difference. Maybe he could protect Wyatt and Chris in all the ways he was unable to keep his own brother safe. Or maybe it was all wishful thinking.

There was no easy way to reconcile the insanity. The only thing he could do was try. He figured it was a start, at least.

{Fin}

About this Entry